So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
