At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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