I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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