i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
