Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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