I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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