please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
