We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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