you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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