some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
