you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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