his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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