we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
