She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
