This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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