ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How does one acquire holy water?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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