Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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