My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
