woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
