i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
