I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
