So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
