i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
