Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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