got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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