shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
3 2 1 whiskey
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
