Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
