I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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