There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
