Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am never drinking with the goths again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
