just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
