Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
