Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
