end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was born a porn star she said
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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