Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
