Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
