I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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