just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Your penis caused this!
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