we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
