I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
