So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize