Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
