he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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