let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
