I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
