a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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