you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
