i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
