Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
