She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i already hear my dad disowning me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
