so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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