Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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