I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
