OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
