the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
