every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
