I checked into jail on foursquare
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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