I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize