I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
