how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My pussy is not your playground.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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