Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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