she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
