you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
