im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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