I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
