happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
