Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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