My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
