The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
