i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
